Tuesday, September 02, 2008

On Second Thought, Maybe Don't Put Baltimore on the Road Jerseys

Apparently we have reached the now inevitable and annual point in the baseball season when the Orioles don't just lose, they regularly embarrass themselves. Tonight's debacle, was Boston 14, Baltimore 2. This isn't a road trip, it's a sure thing for the home team. The Orioles in September have become the baseball pennant race's version of a homecoming game.

The Orioles started Rad Liz Tuesday night and he went 3 and a third and gave up 9 earned runs. His ERA is almost 8. To borrow from Lewis Black, "I will repeat that!" His ERA is almost 8! (picture Lewis ranting about this and wriggling his fingers is horror).

So here we are, after a season of early, sustained optimism, some great comeback wins and an offense that is one of the most prolific in the game -- one of only five to put up more than 700 runs -- and once again the Birds have become a late season laughingstock. I don't feel angry or frustrated, I feel duped. I let myself think this year was different. It ain't. Well, it is on one account. The Orioles have a pretty good offense, even a great one. Aubrey Huff would be an MVP candidate if he played on a team anywhere near contention. Dude is batting .312 with 30 HRs, 43 doubles, and 98 RBI.

He leads the league in hotel incidentals and total bases. Aubrey Huff!

I could go on and talk about the ridiculous second half Mora was having until he pulled a hammy; or the all around excellence of Markakis and Roberts, but what is the point?

The Orioles starting rotation, right now, is not just bad, it has to be the worst collection of wanna-be starters on a major league roster since Cal Ripken needed a comb. Who could possibly be worse? I know they've sustained lots of injuries, and endured career flameouts, and all manner of bad luck, but wouldn't Rodrigo Lopez would look like Jim Palmer in his prime on this team? Speaking of Palmer, what's he doing this weekend?

There isn't a single guy in the rotation who... Wait, there really isn't a single guy in the rotation. They have no rotation. Guthrie announced he's hurt; Cabrera is out, and the rest of them are total bums. Bums! They barely belong in Bowie, much less Fenway Park. Guess what major league hitters do to pitchers who aren't very good? THEY CRUSH THEM! They 14-2 them.

Chris Waters? Brian Burres? Garrett Olson? Rad Liz? The ERA of those four are, dis-respectively, 5.45 , 6.08, 6.53, and 7.91.

Those aren't ERAs, they are good scores in the floor routine.

I love when MASN flashes to the dugout for in-game shots of Dave Trembley after a string of walks or yet another tape measure home run and he is so blatantly disgusted that you can almost see him consciously trying not to have a temper tantrum. Don't get me wrong, Trembley deserves none of the blame here, but he's carrying all of the burden.

The Orioles' skipper has developed a permanent squint-scowl that might be the maddest face I've ever seen. It's like the face of an 8-year-old after you say, "make a mad face."

That's Trembley right now. Every game. And can you blame him? He doesn't have a starter WHO CAN MAKE IT OUT OF THE THIRD INNING.

This guy toiled in the minor leagues for 20-some years for this? Wouldn't you think that after all that time, once you got a chance to manage in the majors, they'd give you, oh, I don't know, A FEW MAJOR LEAGUE PITCHERS??!!

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.

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